tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8984269426150348512024-03-05T10:09:56.393-08:00The Knockout Mamahokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.comBlogger261125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-50775756076826196952016-09-01T18:33:00.001-07:002016-09-01T18:33:19.061-07:00Beachbody or Bust!I have a dream life, life. I have a loving husband, three beautiful, smart, healthy kids, an amazing family, a beautiful home, the best friends a girl could ask for, yet some days I go though life with the weight of the world on my shoulders.<br />
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Literally, the weight.<br />
<br />
Here I am, living this happy, wonderful life... and I've somehow found myself fifty pounds overweight. Yes, you read that correctly 50. It's awful. It's sad, overwhelming, depressing, and every emotion in between. I look in the mirror and don't recognize the person staring back at me and it's not because somewhere along the line I've turned into a middle aged mother with no fashion sense whatsoever. <br />
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I've tried every weight loss gimmick, schimmick, and program known to man. And here I go jumping on the Beachbody bandwagon. Don't laugh. I've seen firsthand this program transform tons of people right in my circle. Yes, I know some can become selfie posting, facebook status hogging, blow it up your *** people, but they also can be motivating, positive, inspiring, and that beacon of light that you need when you don't know where else to go. And some give me that glimmer of hope that I need when I feel like I'll never be pretty, fit, or without a double chin again. <br />
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They make me believe that I can do this. So here goes. Enjoy the ride.<br />
<br />
Beachbody.hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-21840519396748385452016-01-10T18:33:00.001-08:002016-01-10T18:47:34.176-08:00Day 1...Apparently I suck at this weight loss thing. If you had told me that I would one day struggle with my weight I never would have believed you. <br />
<br />
I was always a stick. I could eat whatever I wanted. And this freaking sucks. A big one.<br />
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I go through phases where I'm so angry I let my weight balloon this high. I get mad, sad, and everything in between. And I'm ready to end it right now. Unfortunately, as my coach pointed out, it's not going to happen overnight but it will happen... if I put forth the effort and try. <br />
<br />
F me.<br />
<br />
So here goes the beginning of the boring blog posts. I'm going to plan out one day ahead what I'm eating and my workout for the following day. Creative writing will be sparse... but I<em> need</em> to have accountability. If you see me slacking with posts, then you know I'm shoving donuts and soda down my mouth. Friday weigh-ins. And if you have advice or motivation, I <em>NEED</em> to hear it.:)<br />
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Monday<br />
<br />
Breakfast- Almond milk, banana, chocolate Shakeology<br />
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Lunch- Green salad, cucumber, onion, side of chicken breast with curry powder, 1tsp mayo, raisons<br />
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Dinner- Chili- one serving, fat free sour cream<br />
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Snack- Apple<br />
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Workout- Day 1 t25, Run/Walk (mostly walk) 3 miles.<br />
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Each night I'll write how I did and then write my plan for the next day. <br />
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Goal by my birthday 173 (March 14)<br />
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Ultimate goal 145 and feeling like myself again.<br />
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Come on, Shaun T, do your thang!<br />
<br />hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-38835880543988687052015-12-22T06:33:00.000-08:002015-12-22T06:33:31.842-08:00I want to remember this...So, I have these hairbrained ideas... and this week I messaged a random friend, told her my weight, and asked that she check in on me weekly and try to motivate me. Modern day fat shaming if you will. Ya see, people always say you have to reach the point where you want it and are ready, but I got to thinking- What if you want it, but have lost that will to begin because you are just afraid you will fail yet again, and maybe, just maybe, if you have someone checking in on you and you aren't just doing it for yourself, it will help.<br />
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I want to remember the feeling of sharing a number on the scale so high my heart hurts. I want to remember this. <br />
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Its also the holidays and every where you turn there are treats and sweets and so much goodness. But it's the holidays and I refused to have our family picture on our Christmas card because I didn't want to broadcast to the world how large and in charge I am. Never again. I want to remember this.<br />
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With the holidays come gatherings and the other day as I was strolling through Kohls looking for a shirt to wear with my leggings- because yes, any type of button pants won't button on me, I saw one out of the corner of my eye. I walked over, saw the 1x and realized I was in the Women's big girl section, almost had a meltdown, and bought it. And now if I go anywhere I'm paranoid my tag will be sticking out and someone will know I'm in 1x. I want to remember this.<br />
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Every minute of every day, I think about my weight and it brings me down. <br />
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I want to remember this.<br />
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Because this is not me.<br />
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I am better than this. hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-4747372643100543162015-11-26T05:20:00.002-08:002015-11-26T05:20:25.911-08:00I'm bringin' sexy backI'm <em>that</em> mom. I'm that mom who is so proud of her kids and they are her world. I'm that mom who is so proud of her kids that they have <em>become</em> her world. I'm that mom that keeps a beautiful, clean, and tidy house. I'm that mom that has good friends and a loving husband. I'm that mom that is undyingly thankful for all that I have and am blessed with the life I live.<br />
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I'm also that mom that takes care of everyone and everything <em>but </em>herself. I haven't been thankful for myself, my health, my wellbeing for a long time. While I don't yell at my kids, I hit drive thrus like they are going out of style. While I have my shit together and go to bed with a house looking like a model home, I have a pile of nachos or five servings of sugary cereal before I retire to my bed at night. While I have friends that love me and care about my health more than I do, I often poo poo their motivation and would rather take a thirty minute cat nap than get some exercise. And it's all caught up with me.<br />
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I'm that mom- no wait- I'm not just "mom"- I'm that woman that walks by mirrors and cringes because she doesn't recognize herself. I'm the woman that used to dress so trendy and cute but now sports oversized "baseball mom" shirts because it's all that I have in my closet that fits. And why bother with accessories if I'm so fat? I'm that woman that paid hundreds of dollars a few weeks ago to meet with an endocrinologist to hear that everything is just fine with my thyroid, my insides, and my body- but it is my daily life choices that are resulting in me feeling like crap. Ya know- the diet coke that flows through my veins, the raw cookie dough that is a snack, and the queso and chips that soothe my soul when the hubby is traveling and I just want something to make me happy. Yep, the self medication I have been doing with food is what is slowly killing me. The snoring, the high blood pressure headaches and spells, skin tags that have formed- yep, it's all stemming from how I'm treating myself day in and day out. <br />
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So yes, I'm that mom that had a baby two years ago and completely let myself go. If you think I don't know it- here's the deal- I'm well aware- more than you'll ever know.<br />
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And if you think I'm happy about it, I'm not. I hate it. I think about it every second of every day. I look at Facebook pictures of so many friends looking better than ever and I want to cry. Sure, I'm happy for them, but I beat myself up because I just can't get it together. <br />
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Today is Thanksgiving. The one day that revolves around family and food. Well, today, for me it is <em>not</em> going to revolve around food. One more day of adding pounds to my body depresses me- so I'm starting my lifestyle change today. Now. Not after I down a bagel and cream cheese. Right now.<br />
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Today is Thanksgiving and I'm going to be thankful for me. For all that God has given me. For my beautiful family, my amazing friends. And I'm not going to stop there. I'm going full circle and I'm going to come back to me- because my kids, my husband, and even myself deserve me to be thankful for me. It' not too late to throw in the towel. And who knows- If I eat healthy today maybe I won't be so paranoid about people checking out what the fat girl is putting on her plate and just maybe next year I will don a cute outfit and look and feel like myself. <br />
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191.0 Let's do this.<br />
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hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-33098523338355051632014-01-27T04:55:00.001-08:002014-01-27T04:55:35.500-08:00A picture is worth 1,000 words...Ugh. Blogging became a chore for a long time... but the fact is, blogging keeps me on track. Even if no one reads it, it helps me process my thoughts, I have things written in stone, and it holds me accountable. I know, I'm weird. <br />
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Sooooo, I'm starting to blog again. No- not any fancy, in depth deep thoughts or anything, but just my workout/food routine... <br />
<br />
My sweet cousin posted some pictures from our family beach trip. The sad thing is I'm ten pounds heavier than this now. I'm officially a big girl. Look at my fingers on my wine glass- They are even fat. You can see my ledge hanging over my pants when I'm sitting. It sucks. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipT_azkMx7QMzXi36AS9PLVYSFy14StZm0uFXTtrBx_QoiRYX5UnQcNMqfVovp3pdnnKaEIXuB6sSonxt3JMor8Tb1qKz3ZzwDnvGfBkRvdeK-fK8GuabsmW8m3GfvLbn2UYC7ObUDKqA/s1600/flab.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipT_azkMx7QMzXi36AS9PLVYSFy14StZm0uFXTtrBx_QoiRYX5UnQcNMqfVovp3pdnnKaEIXuB6sSonxt3JMor8Tb1qKz3ZzwDnvGfBkRvdeK-fK8GuabsmW8m3GfvLbn2UYC7ObUDKqA/s320/flab.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFPIYMcYHO0mcLJ6lDtc5c56ysOATB-YDHNF71PzxDCk1e_c6veNOCZEZqPV3XTudwuNGKfdVuKdBELF_GujndlwC5JTl8CMQ2qTmN2itXJra7iis8aQsNUmB0-PMIkHGdgiqgj0qlvAE/s1600/heavy.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFPIYMcYHO0mcLJ6lDtc5c56ysOATB-YDHNF71PzxDCk1e_c6veNOCZEZqPV3XTudwuNGKfdVuKdBELF_GujndlwC5JTl8CMQ2qTmN2itXJra7iis8aQsNUmB0-PMIkHGdgiqgj0qlvAE/s320/heavy.jpg" /></a><br />
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For some, weight doesn't bother them. But for me, that's just not the case. I took my daughter swimming last night and feeling so uncomfortable in a swimsuit was disturbing. I would look down and see my flab hanging out from my tankini and was more worried bout that than splashing with my precious baby... and this summer is NOT going to be like that. I'm three pounds less than being fifty pounds heavier than my wedding day. Yep- 5-0... and my hubby deserves better. Bless his heart, he's never said a word to me... <br />
<br />
So here we go:<br />
<br />
Plan:<br />
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Weight Watchers Weigh-Ins on Thursdays<br />
Count/Track Points<br />
Have two Body by Vi Shakes a day<br />
Drink Water<br />
Cut out Soda<br />
Work out ever day<br />
Kick Ass<br />
<br />
hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-7543531830157752542013-11-27T05:50:00.001-08:002013-11-27T05:50:41.471-08:00Little Black Dress...Yesterday I went through the McDonald's drive thru... and I was so proud of myself because I didn't order fries. Not to worry, I ordered a large Diet Coke, cheeseburger, and three sugar cookies, and they were engulfed before I was 5 minutes down the road. I know I've had fast food at least 6 out of the 7 past days and on Saturday I hit up McD's for breakfast and Wendy's for lunch like it was nothing. And to make matters worse, this week a new Bakery opened up in my town and I visited it not once, not twice... not even three times... but four in opening week. I'd love to say it's because I'm supporting local business... but let's just say this is just what I do. I eat. It's nothing for me to down a meal, finish it off with 5 pieces of Halloween candy... or to start off making a cake only to eat so much of the batter I only have enough for 12 cupcakes. I was off to a good start and wanted to make butternut squash this week... and instead of roasting it, I wanted to caramelize it... and when I didn't have brown sugar a friend told me to mix sugar and molasses together. I was so impressed with myself that I added some to half a block of cream cheese and polished it off in a hot second- without even thinking twice. And yes, I do know this is a problem. I'm an emotional binge eater. <br />
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I'm at my all time heaviest weight. I don't even want to say the number. Physically, I'm tired all the time, feel gross, my rolls bother me- but yet I'm still able to run a 5k in less than 28 minutes and workout with the best of them. And I wonder why they say it's up to 90% eating.<br />
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Somehow life has gotten in the way. Imagine that. I will say that mentally I'm in a good place. While I hate my body, having a third baby has brought sooooo much joy to my life. My family is thriving and I'm loving it. Now, I just need to learn how to balance taking care of myself in with shuttling the kids to practices, cuddling with my 8 month old, and making sure the kids read every night.:)<br />
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So many articles I read say that you have to be in a place where you want to make change for yourself. While I believe this is true, and I know that I'm getting there, sometimes I feel like you need a push. You need someone that you don't want to let down. When I worked out at LA Boxing, the manager was my trainer... and so many times- I didn't take that second helping of food or drink my regular 2 liter of soda a day because I didn't want to let him down.<br />
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I have a friend that I look up to and she has had amazing results working out with Liza Hughes... and so I'm jumping on the bandwagon and joining her 21 day little black dress challenge... Between Thanksgiving and Christmas I'm going to stick to eating plans, workout, and find myself again. Or so I hope. I've got to stop turning to food and using it as my vice.<br />
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Here's hoping that new habits form, I can say Merry Christmas to myself with the best gift of all- taking care of myself, and I start a new journey toward health. Why wait until January!?!<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgHkqnGkcQpcSJCS7jtjqiz_35awLCvf7kpBUVxZL4k82uQ46ElR5CO7duI7D22BB1G7sAHCg1bwoLGTs_qJHYE01SgrUSYcPWjxmIOZcFUO_f1Hn2rHMZViqE7D7JE0dys6HIrW6xlaU/s1600/food.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgHkqnGkcQpcSJCS7jtjqiz_35awLCvf7kpBUVxZL4k82uQ46ElR5CO7duI7D22BB1G7sAHCg1bwoLGTs_qJHYE01SgrUSYcPWjxmIOZcFUO_f1Hn2rHMZViqE7D7JE0dys6HIrW6xlaU/s320/food.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHfvErgGPY3SGEu0Fi822JIBI755I9CeHHz8a_CKpVWUEacXzTnVsHGtdAdhXGma0M0W2xCkHB76FIljZx9mZO8cz9qrYhIKPemr00y1wGMW7H0vnfTMSHZPHZe8u1yNEsq5C9KyTJ6lY/s1600/newme.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHfvErgGPY3SGEu0Fi822JIBI755I9CeHHz8a_CKpVWUEacXzTnVsHGtdAdhXGma0M0W2xCkHB76FIljZx9mZO8cz9qrYhIKPemr00y1wGMW7H0vnfTMSHZPHZe8u1yNEsq5C9KyTJ6lY/s320/newme.jpg" /></a><br />
Oh yes, and what challenge doesn't start with those awful before pictures... Here I go- off to beg the Hubster to take them for the millionth time.:)<br />
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P.S... I rejoined LA Boxing and have started back... I'm a paying member now- because I believe it's worth every penny and then some- let me know if you want to join me for a class!:)hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-53057088480101687152013-11-06T17:22:00.001-08:002013-11-06T17:23:05.745-08:00Live like you're dyingLast week, I made a phone call and set up an appointment at Jenny Craig. I didn't go. Then, I asked my mom for a 15 day "loan" so I could join a local "detox diet" program. She said no. Then, I told her I was joining Weight Watchers. And she looked at me and said, "Shelley, what has worked for you? So many things are gimmicks. You have to do what works for you and learn good, healthy habits." <br />
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Point taken. <br />
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I woke up at the crack of dawn on Monday, put on my hand wraps, and met a friend at Tori Nelson's boxing class. Yep, I rejoined LA Boxing... now known as UFC gym... and I'm loving it. <br />
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I'm also just trying to eat healthy. Ya know, downing a protein shake, snacking on almonds, trying to wean myself off of Diet Coke... and hating every minute of it- but not going to hard core yet- because I don't want to be a royal bitch... but I'll get there. It's true... Eat less, move more. It works.<br />
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Today I showed up and took Julius's class and loved it. Boxing makes me energized. It's fun, and one kick ass workout. Granted, I'm pretty sure Julius was worried about my life at some point- when he looked at me and told me I had to breathe and to catch my breath... as sweat was pouring off of me, I was gasping for air, and not gonna lie, a little bit of puke had made it's way up my esophagus. But yet, this was still fun.<br />
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Ya see, I want to live life. I want to wear a two piece. I want to sport cutoff jeans, cowboy boots, and call me crazy, but one year I want to go to a Halloween party and knock my hubby's socks off in a sexy costume. I want to do every day things too- Like not drive to the out of the way Harris Teeter that is always empty just because I don't want to run into someone I know when I'm not "all done up" and feeling like a cow. I don't want to have to wear spandex because my thighs are talking to each other and need lube. I don't want to feel like a slob and not take care of myself because I'm feeling down about my weight and feeling unworthy. I want to do so many things... and above all, I want to be a healthy role model for my children.<br />
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So, I'm back at it girls... I'm trying. I might die trying, but I'm trying. Ya only live once and when it's my time, I want to damn well not have been holding back because of my rolls and extra flab. Life is too short.<br />
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If ya wanna take a ride wit me... Oh I might be at the gym... and would love the company. Just sayin.':)<br />
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hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-44789862025583568092013-08-22T08:31:00.002-07:002013-08-22T08:31:57.458-07:00Walk Before You RunAfter I dropped my daughter off at gymnastics today, I made a break for the bike trail to get a ride in... followed by a run. A flat bicycle tire put an end to that, but I did drive to my old 'hood and got a solid run in- well, a run, anyways. With school about to start, I have a goal of finishing a triathlon this fall and finally losing this weight- Yep, I know, y'all have heard that one before.:)<br />
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As I was running today, I could totally feel my pooch in my bike pants... just bouncing along and hanging out with me... At first, it completely grossed me out... but then, I thought to myself, "Ya know what, that ledge still hanging around is pretty damn amazing. This time last year, I had a baby growing inside me. An entire baby. I did that." Yep, and I kind of came to terms with it. That flab is there, but at the end of the day, it's pretty awesome flab if ya ask me.<br />
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Running through my old hood, I passed one of our old homes and all these memories came to me. I thought about how far we have come- Brendan and I... and now our own little family. I thought back to our first little apartment in Oklahoma... You know, the one where the kitchen was about 4X4, had vaulted ceilings,free tanning, and that I thought we had made it big getting our first place- even if Brendan's parent's had to cosign with us since we were both unemployed- HA! Later, I learned that it only had free tanning because it was a college apartment complex and that's a big draw... and no one wanted the second floor with those vaulted ceilings since we lived in Tornado alley. And I couldn't help but laugh about how for two weeks I had the key to the "model" apartment and would have to trudge across the apartment complex to take my shower there since ours was out of use. Oh well, live and learn. Live and learn. <br />
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And then I thought about our first home in Richmond, VA... The house where we planted every single flower, bush, etc. with our own hands. We painted, installed a laminate kitchen floor, and replaced our countertops... Ya know- we went from blue laminate to green laminate and my dad made a trip to Richmond to install them for us... Budgets, budgets. I mean when you can't afford anything other than laminate... you go with what will match your rooster wallpaper border. Yep, rooster wallpaper, What was I thinking!?!... But that house was everything to us... We had made it. We were homeowners...<br />
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And all the while, Brendan and I would always venture out on walks at night. We'd walk through neighborhoods and dream of one day having certain things in our home... a garage, a patio, a basement... And then I would have typical Shelley moments and put my hands out in front of me and pretend that we were pushing a baby in a stroller and tease Brendan... "One day, we'll be pushing a stroller." Awww- we were so young.:) <br />
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So, what's the point of all this? Ya see, as I was running, remembering all of this, my mom's voice kept speaking in my head, "Shelley, you have to walk before you run." In life, I always seem to want more. When we had nothing in Oklahoma and lived off of peanuts with Brendan going to flight school, I dreamed of a new apartment. When we had our first home, I dreamed of something more... and Judy Booty would always remind me, that it would one day come... that I needed to find patience. <br />
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She was right... and I'll probably always be a dreamer... We walked, now we're running, and one day I'll want to sprint- Ha! My poor hubby... <br />
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As I was huffing and puffing, and wanting to throw in the towel, those words from my Mama are true when it comes to so many things. Sometimes, you just have to realize that you have to walk before you run. So when I couldn't run any more, my running turned to a walk, and I smiled. Life really is all about the journey. And there will come a point when you look back and laugh, smile, and even cry... but if you keep at it... one day, you'll be running. And for me, that triathlon isn't too far away.:)<br />
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hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-41752554353777979212013-08-07T07:57:00.000-07:002013-08-07T07:57:50.890-07:00VoicesSometimes all you really need is for someone to believe in you. <br />
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Yep, I'm at the beach, and it's yet another year where I'm fat. And feel gross. And pig out. Such is life... Last night, I literally felt sick from everything I'd eaten- I started my day with Duck Donuts (multiple), had three lunches by noon, about five Little Debbies, Fried chicken, ribs, corn and lima beans floating in milk and butta, rolls, strawberry shortcake, and the list goes on... No joke. Today, I said to myself- No More! I had some cantalope- and reminisced about how it was my Pappy's favorite, and then decided to head out on a run. That's where Averey comes in.<br />
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Averey is my cousin... Well, actually my cousin's son, but he's always been just a straight-up cousin. He gets me and I like to think we have a little special connection- Well, besides the first five years of his life when every time he saw me he screamed bloody murder... He's a sophomore at Pitt, just an all-around amazing kid, and into health and fitness. Coming from a family that has fought obesity, deep down, I know that he "gets" how much my weight affects me. He's sweet as can be and offered to go running with me... I said I wanted to go on this 3.8 mile loop- knowing the farthest I'd truly run since having Ellie was 2 miles... and I've only run twice in over a year- HA! What can I say- I'm ambitious.:) After the first twenty yards, I know Averey thought to himself that this was a waste of time for himself- that it wasn't even a workout going at my pace- but instead of leaving me in the dust, he turned into my motivator. He made me keep going, and even brought out "Mom" lines like, "Come on, Shelley- Do it for your kids." And guess what... I did. All 3.8 hellish miles. Spladow!!! (O.k.. I swear I used to say that, but I just googled it, and that is sooo not what I mean... I'm using it in the 90's context- Just so ya know!)...<br />
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On the run, Averey made so many comments... Like how being unhealthy is the easy way. This is so true... Sometimes ya just have to work for it if you want to look good. And he let me vent about emotional eating, my kids coming first, the works. And before I knew it, I had done it. I had taken a measly 35 minutes out of my day- of which I probably would have had my ass on the couch- and gotten a feel-good workout in.<br />
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During my run, I also thought about my cousin Jenny. Well, I still call her my cousin... She had married my cousin, and they have since divorced... Long story short, years ago, I ran the same shoulder with her at the Outer Banks. She was just like Avers and took me out for a run- not for herself, but for me. She had gone through cancer treatments- lost her hair, the works and I'll never forget what she said. She said to me, "Shelley, I just put one foot in front of the other. I just keep going. Because I can." Coming from someone that was facing death, how amazing is that? It's true... Life changes, people come, and people go. As a mom, I have good days, and I have bad days. I have fat days, but I will have skinny days. And next year, I have faith that I'll be out running with Averey- giving <i>him</i> a workout. All because I'm going to put one foot in front of the other- because I'm lucky enough to be healthy and to be able to do so. And more than anything, because I can. hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-21023430185652686202013-07-27T18:51:00.001-07:002013-07-27T18:59:09.004-07:00From the heart...Sometimes there are people that on the outside look like they have it all together... On good days, a solid fifty percent of the time, I might be that girl. I keep a clean house, the kids are dressed cute, we're out the door and are busy bodies... and life is good. We have a loving, happy family and I'm living my dream life of being a stay-at-home-mom. I'm really pretty chipper and am not lying when I say I love my life. But trust me, everyone has issues. I haven't met a person that doesn't. Every day of my life, I struggle. Hello, My name is Shelley, and I'm an emotional eater.<br />
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So many people struggle with eating disorders. I often joke that I couldn't be anorexic or bulimic if I tried... I try not eating, but by ten in the morning, I'm downing 1200 calories without thinking twice. Never once have I tried to barf my gut... I enjoy the food going down, and a nasty burp grosses me out, so I don't think I could handle upchucking my meal. I say this all lightly, when in fact, it's nothing to joke about. At all. And trust me, I get it. So many people don't get how weight issues affect people. They mess with your head, dictate your thoughts, and there are times that there really is nothing you can do about it... and at times, nothing you want to do about it. In a strange sense, I sometimes enjoy it. Isn't that crazy- I enjoy the very thing that I can't stand about myself. But it's true. Before I feel gross about what I have done to my body, I enjoy the fact that I can pull my car up to a drive thru, order an extra value meal, make it a large, add three sugar cookies and a small nugget to it and not think twice. So many people would NEVER do that. It's invigorating to me that I can just do that when others can't... or wouldn't. And it doesn't cross my mind that it's abnormal until after everything goes down the hatch... and that's when all the emotions start.<br />
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I eat. I love to eat. Some people say you need to eat to live and not live to eat... and that's my problem. I eat when I'm happy, mad, silly, sad, and every instance in between. I eat when it's rainy, I eat when it's sunny. I eat when I'm starving, and I eat when I'm full. It's my coping mechanism. It's my way of self-medicating.<br />
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In the morning, I head to swim team starting out with a healthy breakfast with the best of intentions to "start my diet today." It's not that I don't try. But then I haul my small gang of children to swim team, get through two hours of practice, have to shower my daughter right when my baby is tired and hungry, and when it's all said and done, I pile us all in the minivan and my car drives itself to Wendy's to ease my nerves with a Jr. Whopper. It tastes good, and for that very minute when I'm indulging, I feel like I'm back on track. Then the guilt sets in. I feel like I've let myself down and things spiral out of control from there. It's like I have these internal voices saying I messed up, so today's not the day. It's just not my day for a fresh start. By lunchtime I've had a few snacks and then I'm in the pantry. Then around naptime, I've had a playdate, or my kids haven't listened and I turn to my friend... Ya know, a Diet Coke and something crunchy... and then end it with something sweet. <br />
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Dinner time comes around and with a hubby that travels, on nights that he is gone, that is when it sucks the most... When you see all the other men puling into the neighborhood and you envision sweet dinners around the dinner table and get upset that you're going to have tired kids and probably be running on empty before the bedtime routine. Of course "bad for you" food is the one thing that makes a dinner around your kitchen island where Mommy is standing bouncing a baby in between bites feel better... at least for the time being.<br />
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And after the kids are down for the count, and you are so mad at yourself for yet another day where you didn't stick to your diet, the only thing that sounds good when the hubz is gone is a few (or ten) spoonfuls of cookie batter and a coke. And instead of happily ever after, you go to bed mad at yourself for yet another day of being a failure with your weight. And it sucks. Bad.<br />
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Pepole will say, just eat healthy. It's not that I don't want to... but eating is my drug of choice. A drug you don't want, but you have to have... and the high you get from it feels so good. At least for a hot second.<br />
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Yep, so now that you think I'm bona fide cray, cray... I'm treating this problem like so many addicts do. I'm going cold turkey... and starting two shakes a day, two, small healthy snacks, and a lean, mean dinner. <br />
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They said I need to go to rehab, and I said No, no, no... I don't want to be an Amy Whinehouse and eat myself to death.:) Here goes nothing!hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-34284750766559536292013-07-25T12:31:00.001-07:002013-07-27T19:00:05.945-07:00It's about to get real...Gimmicks... I love them, and I'm a sucker... And I'm gonna love it when I prove doubters wrong! Yes, I've heard how Visalus or Body by Vi is a big pyramid scheme, doesn't work, etc. etc... but I need to do something and the eating healthy thing just isn't going so well for me... <br />
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This girl is gonna give Vi shakes a chance... and I'm making my great return to LA Boxing- because I believe in that more than anything. Is it possible for history to repeat itself and for me to drop 30 pounds, feel better, and look great in 3 1/2 months... I hope... and I'm counting on it because I'm about to post the most embarrassing video ever because I want to win $1,000 from Visalus. Yep, sucker right here. I know it.:) Here goes nothing... and please cheer me on. I can do this, right!?!<br />
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.... Had to take video down until B tells me how to fix it...:)<br />
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P.S... I'm not selling Body by Vi so don't go dodging me in the grocery stores... Now if I lose the lbs, it might be a different story, but I'll let ya know before I go begging ya to have a shake party.:)hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-11841363643151906372013-06-09T18:41:00.001-07:002013-06-09T18:41:40.726-07:00The good ole' days... are still goodSoccer was once a huge part of my life... HUGE. I joined a travel soccer team when I was in the sixth grade and the team was like a second family to me. We spent every Sunday and a few days during the week together... and we went from dorky middle schoolers to high school graduates and young women together. We saw each other through boyfriends, the loss of parents, being grounded- you name it, it happened... and brought us close together.<br />
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Almost twenty years have passed since we stepped on the field together- and this summer we decided to put a team together for an adult women's league. Not gonna lie- I was dreading seeing these girls because of my weight/shape. Like dreading. But today, I showed up for our first practice and saw my former teammates- who pretty much looked like fitness models- and I survived. In fact, I did more than that- I realized- They could care less about my weight or the way I look- To them, I'm still the same old Shelley. <br />
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For so long, I didn't want any part of soccer- I played so much and we used to be pretty good- and I didn't want to try at something and fail. Today I realized that was the dumbest thing ever. I was avoiding something I love. A part of me. <br />
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So yes, things may have changed- I'm old, pulled my quad am in pain, and can't dribble the ball worth a crap... but today I felt <i>alive</i>. I felt something that I have missed... and It was so nice to realize that I can have fun as a woman... and my only joy in life doesn't have to come from my children or from being in bed with my hubby. Kidding. Ha! But for real, while my family is my everything, it was the best feeling in the world to drive home from practice with the biggest smile on my face from doing something for myself... and not from singing the itsy bitsy spider. I can already tell, I'm going to be a better wife and mother all from stepping out of my comfort zone. <br />
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More to come... but for now... GOOOOOOOOOO BLAST!<br />
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hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-53952462924886709852013-06-08T20:20:00.000-07:002013-06-08T20:20:20.640-07:00Take 2Here I go again on my own...<br />
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An' I've made up my mind <br />
I ain't wasting no more time...<br />
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So, I had Baby #3 who has brought more joy than I could ever imagine... And after a year of not working out, watching my diet at all, and just enjoying life, I'm beginning to feel like I'm done. Done with birthing babies, being overweight, and avoiding taking care of myself. I think our Sweet Ellie is our caboose... and it's time to have the "I think I can" attitude and get my body back...<br />
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You've heard that before, right... <br />
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We shall see... tune in.:) I'm just getting started.<br />
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xoxohokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-68104910762321902682012-11-26T19:57:00.003-08:002012-11-26T19:57:59.500-08:00Hello, Goodbye<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Be glad you're not in my house right now... because I might start crying as I write this... Ya know- pregnancy hormones- What can I say? And let's be honest, it's not all pregnancy hormones- For a few years, this blog has been a BIG part of my life. Huge. It started as an adventure with LA Boxing and was an experience I'll never forget- opportunities, adventures, open doors, genuine friendships, and roads that NEVER would have been traveled.</div>
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My weight went up, down, and all around- and those of you that have been readers have been there through it all. I opened my heart, bared my soul, and wrote without any kind of filter... and enjoyed every second of it. Here on this blog, I could just be myself- and through that, I've learned so much.</div>
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I have lost weight, gained it back, run a half marathon, completed a triathlon, tried every diet plan under the sun, and had so many "I'm starting tomorrows" that I've lost count. For years, I put off having a baby because I wanted to lose weight before I conceived... and then one night when we "put it in God's hands", I realized he had plans and knew it was time. And even though I'm going to have some mega weight to lose after this baby arrives, I'm okay with that.</div>
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Ya see, three years ago, when I started this blog, I wanted to be a "Knockout Mama." I obsessed over the scale, looked at myself as rundown, total has been, and longed for my 21 year old body and youth before babies.</div>
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But things have changed. I'm convinced I will <em>always </em>struggle with body issues and I will <em>always</em> have a weight problem. This Mama loves to grub and will always be an emotional eater. But through writing, I have found myself. </div>
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I may not ever be a knockout again. But I now have the confidence to say that some days I still look damn good. I can say that I love my life. I love everything about being a Mom. I love everything about being a middle-aged woman that stays at home with my kids. I love everything about being the best Mom that I can be. It doesn't bother me to wear Target clothes and to go way too long between hair appointments to be able to give my kids the best. This is my life. Okay, okay- Maybe some of that sucks, but it's all good. All good, I tell ya.</div>
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Yes, after a lot of thought, I've decided to end this blog. I'll continue to write on our family blog, and if you want to follow along, please do at</div>
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<a href="http://www.mccullersfam.blogspot.com/">www.mccullersfam.blogspot.com</a></div>
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I promise that there will still be posts about where my health and fitness journey takes me- Because I'm not giving up on a fab body- It might just take a while... Anything is possible if only you believe, right?:) There will be posts about my kids, about my home, and about my family. And you know me... maybe even a tirade and for sure posts that lack any tact or grace. It'll be my life. I invite you to read along- because if you read here, you, too, have become my family. </div>
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Thanks for being there for me through it all... I'm a different person than I was three years ago... Don't you worry, I'll always be a headcase- but I've learned that I'm a headcase in progress... and when you look at it... Life is Good.:)</div>
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And lookie, lookie... I'm halfway there... almost 21 weeks and It's a GIRL!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjnF3nbHhltHlEWfSx7YpJMKLzBnVKNLEifhIZMgXl3yqufq-p-6gLl5KnMCND2BAN3ljX9zTjnDEnddVhW7ATd1u8Qk5thmey4M5liU_trykM147UIByjBrWGfwYE1apyEruhYGpHk5E/s1600/002.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjnF3nbHhltHlEWfSx7YpJMKLzBnVKNLEifhIZMgXl3yqufq-p-6gLl5KnMCND2BAN3ljX9zTjnDEnddVhW7ATd1u8Qk5thmey4M5liU_trykM147UIByjBrWGfwYE1apyEruhYGpHk5E/s320/002.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
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<br />So long, farewell<br />Auf Wiedersehen, goodnight<br />I hate to go and leave this pretty sight<br /><br />So long, farewell<br />Auf Wiedersehen, adieu<br />Adieu, adieu<br />To you and you and you</div>
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xoxo</div>
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~Shelley... aka The Knocked Up Mama:)</div>
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hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-25148988356054163462012-09-12T11:31:00.000-07:002012-09-12T11:31:07.268-07:00Hey Strangers!Well, Hello there my little pretties! Oh, how I've missed you... I would have written sooner, but life has taken some crazy turns. Well, I guess not crazy because it's what I've always dreamed of- but at the same time, what I've been putting off... and off... and off... <br />
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So, I'll just get to the point... The knockout mama is KNOCKED UP! Yep, preggo to the hello... And this time things are so very different. <br />
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Let's backtrack a bit... I have always dreamed of a bunch of snot-nosed children running around my house- like lots. But then, I had trouble losing my pregnancy weight coupled with the fact that I had a hubby that was content with two kids, so here I was this summer literally laying out at the pool while my self-sufficient children cared for themselves. It was bliss. <br />
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Then, one week, this mama had a full social calendar- I actually had two girl's nights in one week- a first- ever... One night, I enjoyed a very fine night out with the ladies in my hood- where I could walk home and it was one of <em>those</em> nights. Ya know, one of t<em>hose</em> nights you'll never forget. Not only did I get wasted and have a great time, I came home completely sexually charged up ready to molest my husband. Let me tell ya about my hubby- sweetest man alive, but the man wraps it up and is safe as can be to prevent any more little ones. All those years, I thought I was winning his heart and being seductive by chanting his beloved Hokies' cheer just "Stick it in, stick it in, stick it in," and come to find out the way to his heart was to go all sentimental. Yep, this baby was the by product of, "Come on baby, we know we are going to have a third eventually, let's just put it in God's Hands just this once. He knows what's right." Well, the big man upstairs must have thought we needed to get on with the show and procreate because three weeks later at the beach, this Mama found out she had a little bean in her belly. And for the record, there was no taking advantage of my main squeeze- he was totally sober.:)<br />
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And now, we are blessed beyond measure.<br />
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Or at least that's what I say before 4pm hits when I'm completely and totally sick and nausea. Yep, woo hoo- This pregnant girl right here that usually prances around glowing and yapping about how I just LOVE being pregnant has been sick. Ugh. <br />
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I've wanted to blog about this little situation for some time now, but ya see, I know how my blogs and ramblings usually prompt my brothers to phone my mom and tattle about my oversharing. She then calls, puts me in the lecture seat, and rattles on about modesty and how some things don't need to be shared. Yes, at the age of 34, I still have brothers who tattle, a Mama who calls me every day and mothers me, and I still need to learn to control my diarrhea of the mouth. It's all good though... I know that one day my B-F-F and I will live at the beach and write our novel under the pen name of Suzanne Vann. Trust me, it's gonna be good. Fifty Shades of Grey has nothing on us- we're way dirtier... Afterall, we grew up on V.C. Andrew sand are now horny housewives... who are usually too tired at the end of the day to live out our fantasises so all this good stuff remains in our head. Well, not completely true- sometimes that inner goddess breaks out and wa-lah, we end up preggo and just keep pushing back that release date a few years. <br />
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Oh, it feels so good to get some of that out. But you will never believe where this blog is about to go. After being given the chance to blog about my pregnancy on I Am Modern, I have decided to do something you guys will never expect. I've decided NOT to write for the magazine or website. For some reason, I know how I write, and I don't feel the need to share about how my hoo-ha is looking and the amount of cerivcal mucus I'm homebrewing... and I know that yep, I would go there. I mean, look people, I'm getting to second base at least six times a day- feeling my own boobies, molesting myself, making sure they are still sore and everything is still going a.o.k... That's just how I roll.<br />
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Yep, I've decided to go soft on y'all... and only blog here-where I know it's my friends and family reading...<br />
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I can't promise regular updates, but I'm thinking monthly belly shots, updates, and unicorns and rainbows. I know that this is my last pregnancy and as gross as I feel, I'm trying to cherish every moment of it- and hope to reflect on the last piece of our family's puzzle in a tasteful, sweet way. I hope ya still read.:)<br />
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hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-67166178973030818902012-08-08T06:29:00.001-07:002012-08-08T06:45:28.365-07:00The Blog EffectWhy, Hello there, Strangers! How are ya? It's been a while and I miss writing. I miss baring all my insecurities and letting ya know how I really feel.:)<br />
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So, where have I been? I bet many of you could write this post without even knowing. Oh, ya know, I did my triathlon, rode the high of that and didn't work out for like two weeks. Then I got on an Insanity kick. I was going to do Insanity like no other. 60 days to my best body ever. I started the first week and didn't miss a workout- was killing it. And then the hubz started to do it with me which was awesome... but he is a wake up at the crack of dawn and get er' done kind of guy- and let's just say I'm a give me ten more minutes five times every morning kind of gal so that didn't exactly work out. He's now on week 5 and me- well, I bombed. I've done the day one fit test about five times because we all know that I have OCD and every time I miss a workout I want to start over so I get the 60 days just perfect... Brendan says I'm destined to be a professional fit-tester. <br />
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Maybe Insanity isn't for me... along with all the 100 other things I've tried and failed. It's amazing some of y'all still read. <br />
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This morning I'm headed to the gym to get a good hour of cardio in... and maybe some floor exercises. We'll see. After that, I've got a cooler packed and we're headed to the gym's outdoor pool so that our kids can drive us crazy going down the slide all afternoon- and I'd bet money that we'll be the loudest group at the pool, I'll yell "CHRIS" a million times and everyone will be so sick of that name, and we'll probably stay so long that we're bound to have a Sweet Frog pit stop on the way home. And I will love every second of it.<br />
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Summer has flown by- and I'm not ready for it to end. This summer I haven't spent hours dreading being in a bathing suit. I haven't had little voices in my head saying "You need to lose weight if you're gonna wear those shorts." And I haven't been so all-consumed with my body with thoughts that I don't want to do things. I haven't moaned and groaned about what others are doing, what others have, and what I want. O.k... I take that back- I've been crying the blues for a backsplash for the past month and that started the day after we did a landscape overhaul and had a sprinkler system installed... but I've been much better. I've just been loving every second of summer- enjoying nights with my neighbors that love me for just me, snuggling with my kids that are growing up before my very eyes, looking at my hubby and thanking him for providing for us and working so hard so that I can be with the kids (and only going psycho for five minute spurts when I find out he's about to travel for yet another week trip- ha!).<br />
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Dare I say it... I am content. Well, almost- there's always gonna be things I want and would change if I could... but I've found peace and just love where I'm at in life.<br />
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It was funny- when I realized this, I came across a blog titled "HOME" on one of my favorite blogs (<a href="http://www.mile-posts.com/">www.mile-posts.com</a>). The author- we'll just call her Dorothy- because I feel like all these other bloggers that have no clue who I am are my homegirls and that we're on a first name basis... wrote:<br />
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"I feel at home. A sense of peace has come over me. A peace I haven’t felt in a very long time. Suddenly many of the things I was stressed and worried about don’t seem as important."<br />
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Dorothy happens to be a marathon runner- an amazingly good marathon runner... and she went on to write...<br />
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"I didn’t run Friday, I didn’t run Saturday, I completely skipped my long run of 16 miles and opted for a 6 mile stroller run with baby C. I didn’t have to push him – I wanted to bring him with me. We ran 6 picturesque miles on the portion of the W&OD I now live on. I don’t feel an ounce of regret or sadness over skipping my long run. Suddenly sub 3:10 isn’t as important to me as it was a week ago. I still want to run NYC Marathon but now I wonder if I even care about Marine Corps Marathon this year. Maybe things will change, but maybe they won’t."<br />
<br />
Yep, she's feeling "Home" as a person and ended with "I don’t regret how I have felt the past couple of months……it has helped me grow. Helped me figure out what I want out of life and who I want on this journey with me."<br />
<br />
I couldn't say it any better. But I wanted to scream at her... "Don't stop running! Get the sub 3:10 dammit! We're all rooting for ya! Just because you are in a happy place doesn't mean you should give up on your goals! Don't do it Dorothy!"<br />
<br />
And it donned on me... Hello Shelley.... Happy Scmhappy.... Don't give up on your body. Just because you are living the life you love doesn't mean you should let yourself go!<br />
<br />
For so long, blogging has been my free therapy. You see your flaws and all written out- How you stressed in that tight shirt on a playdate- or how for years you wouldn't dare wear a bikini... but then you realize that the person you were on a playdate with was just glad you were there... and that no one gives to flying fucks that you have a couple stretch marks and a few extra lb's if ya wear a 'kini' at the pool. With blogging, you see how you always wish you had more, how you wish you wanted less, and then at some point you are just okay with the way it is. You sit it written out right in front of you and you realize all your insecurities are just stupid. You realize that people believe in you and that you can be one of those happy people that is so content with just being.<br />
<br />
And then the whole point of your blog goes out the window because once you see it in writing you realize it's time to sign off and get your butt out the door to the gym... because it's so important to stay happy and keep those voices at bay! You CAN be a happy and fit person... Sport and Health... here I come.:)hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-42032714601615728392012-07-05T12:30:00.001-07:002012-07-05T12:30:06.793-07:00America The BeautifulI wore a bikini to the pool on the Fourth of July.<br />
<br />
The public pool. As in out in public.<br />
<br />
No one stared. No one gawked. No one said I shouldn't be wearing it. No one cared.<br />
<br />
Not even me. Well, maybe just a little. I'm still 25 pounds overweight. But I'm getting there. And I'm getting over myself. <br />
<br />
Life is too short.<br />
<br />
That is all. :)hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-2074521388560137082012-06-25T14:31:00.000-07:002012-06-25T14:31:01.331-07:00I'm A Triathlete!I did it! Woo Hoo!!! And no one can ever take that away from me. I am a triathlete.<br />
<br />
Sunday morning I arrived at the tri so nervous. When I parked in a strip mall parking lot at 5:30, I was surrounded by people that were the real deal. Apparently, the elite waves arrive at the start time and people like me can arrive a little later.:) We're talking thousand dollar bikes, racing wheels, and muscles galore. To say I was intimidated was an understatement. <br />
<br />
But then I got in line a nice fella was behind me and I could tell he was in my same boat. Ahhh, a newbie that was a little unsure- and my nerves settled down. I later met up with my friend Carolyn- who I met on meetup.com (Yes, I joined a random Leesburg/Ashburn triathlete meetup group- Ha!) and she was my rock throughout the morning. We were the perfect pair, she was even a bathroom go-er like me and was willing to visit the stalls 100 times before the race. Yep, I definitely had the nervous shits- but I didn't tell her that. <br />
<br />
So we lined up for the start and I got in line by the sweetest lady. She broke the ice with, "What do they call the last person to cross the finish line?" "A triathlete." Loved that. I mean L-O-V-E-D! She also recommended a book to me called <em>Slow, Fat, Triathlete... </em>Lovely, I could tell she had high hopes for me. Ha! I didn't take offense though- she was super cool and took all my fears away.<br />
<br />
Before I knew it the lady was counting down... 5-4-3-2-1... and I was off!<br />
<br />
I was so nervous about the swim- At the beginning of training swimming one 25 was hard... but the swim turned out a cinch. Next up was the bike and that went great... and then came the run. Don't ya know... The run was just like life. I can do three miles- no problem- so the run never crossed my mind as being a problem. But a run when it's suddenly become hot, you are drained, and your legs feel like jello is an entire different story. My legs were drained and my 5k time ended up being about 3 solid minutes slower than normal. But I didnt' quit... I kept going and before I knew it, I had crossed the finish line!<br />
<br />
1:26... and 32nd out of over 100 women! Not to mention #4 in my age group- I missed a prize by a minute... Ugh!<br />
<br />
And now, a day later, I have so many emotions. First, I LOVED the race. And I'm already planning on training for one in August. For the first time in years, I felt that long lost competitiveness come out. But then I sobered up when I saw the pictures my hubby took. P.S.- He got major brownie points- He showed up with both kids in tow with posters the kids had made and decorated. Hmmm.... after about ten races where I talk about the random kids cheering for their Mommys, he finally took a hint.:)<br />
<br />
Back to the pictures. I was a cow. Like disgustingly fat- and you won't find them posted on this blog any time soon. Can you imagine how much better I would be if I dropped 30 pounds?!? And so, my goal is to finally lose my weight. I looked at the pictures and felt like a turtle. My body is in a shell. A shell of fat and I don't even recognize myself. <br />
<br />
So get ready for more blogging in the near future. I'm on a mission.:)hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-41132908664904187662012-06-23T20:19:00.001-07:002012-06-23T20:21:43.504-07:00I Tri...Tomorrow is the day. I've picked up my race packet, pumped my tires with air, laid out my clothes, and just had my neighbor french braid my hair. Right now, I'm more nervous than ever... I worked on shifting gears tonight at my Uncle's house and my chain came off my bike and I had to walk it home. If that happens in the race, I'm dunzo. And not to mention I look like Wendy from the fast food joint because I went with two french braids and all I can think of right now is a bacon cheeseburger.<br />
<br />
But I'm ready.<br />
<br />
This past month has been crazy. I haven't had much time to blog- and if I write everything that has happened these past months, surely people would think I'm telling whoppers.<br />
<br />
Take for instance my Daddy. So, we go to my grandfather's funeral, and an hour after we all made it home, I called my mom to check in and see how she was holding up. She says she's fine, but that my Dad was having a "little spell." "What do you mean a little spell?"... I guess a spell in her book is hurting arms, and jaw and mouth with pain, burning under his chest, dizziness... "Ummmmm, Mom, he's having a heart attack.... And I don't care if he won't go to the doctor, I'm calling 9-1-1 and sending an ambulance to your house!"<br />
<br />
Yep, my dad had a heart attack on the day of my grandfather's funeral. Luckily, he made it to the hospital... just in time for his heart to stop and to have the ER go all Grey's Anatomy on him and use the paddles... Fast forward through a quadruple bypass surgery and a touch and go experience with a ventilator and he's back in business. In fact, we're the lucky ones. Tomorrow, he'll be at my race cheering me on. <br />
<br />
Thank the Good Lord.<br />
<br />
Lessons. We all have lessons in life. They come in different ways... But this year has taught me more than anything that Life Is Short. When it's our time, it's our time... and we are so blessed it wasn't Big Daddy Mike's time. <br />
<br />
Funny. I blogged about him a year ago about how I wanted him to get in shape because he was a walking heart attack- and his Dad had passed away at 49 from one. <br />
<br />
I guess I'll get my chance now.<br />
<br />
Live with intention people. We've only got one shot. Love what you do, and do what you love.<br />
<br />
At least try... and tomorrow, Tri I will.:)hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-41113953728288697152012-06-16T08:54:00.000-07:002012-06-16T08:54:27.070-07:00Insert Foot In MouthParenting is full of highs and lows. One minute you can feel like you have this thing under control, that you have brought it and are on top of your A game, and that you could write a book. And within a split second, you are back on the wild ride. Parenting is an adventure... and more than anything- oh so humbling.<br />
<br />
We woke up at the crack of dawn to head out to our swim meet this morning. I'm not naming names or anything... but I just happen to have one child that has always been a challenge... and one that is pretty much a dream. And this morning, after literally counting down the days to be old enough to swim on a swim team, my daughter who has been able to swim since she was two refused to participate in her meet.<br />
<br />
I'm not talking about just saying, "No, I'm not gonna do this." I'm talking full on waterworks, tears, clinging to me, and rubbing her little snotty nose all over my sequined shirt. Bless her poor little heart.<br />
<br />
It was heartbreaking. Not gonna lie, I was disappointed and frustrated. But she wasn't going to know that. She's five. Life will go on if she doesn't swim in a summer swim meet. This little girl just needed her Mama.<br />
<br />
I will always be there to pick my kids up when they are down. I'll be there to wipe their tears. And I'll be there when they make mistakes. And thank you blog readers for being there for me through it all... Because I guess it's true. Ya win some, and ya lose some.:) hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-41056087741574899082012-06-15T19:52:00.000-07:002012-06-15T20:10:45.169-07:00Go Get 'Em Tiger...I live in Northern Virginia and I'm proud of it. But I also care way too much about what people think of me. My biggest battle in life is searching for and finding contentment. Sometimes I just want to shout to the roof tops, "What the hell do half of these people do around here!?!"... and the other half of my life I struggle to stop trying to keep up with the Joneses and to not be a Jones.<br />
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And lately, it's gotten easier and easier. Ya see, we're not the Jones. While that's a beautiful name, and we even know and love some Jones,<em> We are the</em> <em>McCullers</em>. <br />
<br />
It's Swim Meet Eve... The night before our first swim meet of the summer- the night before we wake up to the fresh smell of chlorine in the air, whistles, and my children fighting over when they get to hit the snack bar- because we all know that's what they look forward to most. And trust me, we're not perfect- while I'll encourage them to go for the banana, more than likely the chocolate covered donut will win out.<br />
<br />
Tonight, like many other Friday nights, I was outside letting the kids run wild and chatting with my neighbors. They asked if kids still dip their fingers in Jell-O to get a sugar high before a swim meet, and I said I hadn't seen that... and then said, "But I'm not that mom that feeds her kids sugar or walks alongside the pool critiquing their every stroke. Some of these swim parents are over the top." I even went on to say, "I know myself and I was so competitive for so long... that as long as I play dumb and don't know anything- I won't put too much pressure on the kids." The mom that I was talking to- that I look up to in so many ways - then said that she used to cheer so loud and walk down the side of the pool with her daughter... and it dawned on me- that it might just be okay to be <em>that</em> mom. <br />
<br />
Ya see, raising children in this area has had me freaked out. I see kids carted from activity to activity- having personal trainers, lessons, you name it... and the hubz and I just never want to have our kids feel like they <em>have</em> to do something. We see time and time again how there is a fine line between dictating and creating a life for your kids and supporting their interests. We both were raised playing sports and have witnessed the difference between kids chasing their dreams and parents pushing their children do what they never did. <br />
<br />
But I'm over it.<br />
<br />
I'm not playing dumb any more- I'm way smarter than I think.:) I'm my kids' biggest fan and if someone doesn't like me cheering, they can bite me. In our home, you don't have to be the best, you just have to<em> try your best</em>. It doesn't matter if you come in first or last... I'm going to love my babies just the same- and they will <em>always</em> know that. <br />
<br />
I vow to raise kids and to give them the best opportunity in life. If they want pitching lessons, Mama will go without a new outfit and watch that kid for a few hours to make it happen. And if they don't want anything to do with sports, then so be it. If they want to join the drama club, then Mama will be waiting after every show with the biggest bouquet of flowers they've ever seen. <br />
<br />
I've been training for a triathlon for the past few months... and tonight I skipped out on a free clinic. Now- after tonight's ephiphany- I get why I flaked. I was "playing dumb." My mentality has been, if I just "wing it," and don't really put forth my full effort, then it's okay if I'm just mediocre. And now, I'm realizing that if anything, that's not playing dumb, that's just dumb. Life is about going after things you want... even if it means being <em>that</em> person.<br />
<br />
In our home, the biggest gift that I can give my children is to find a passion- whatever that my be. And I will do whatever it takes for them to chase after their dreams. Maybe, just maybe, I have a little Tiger Mama in me after all... Refuse to be mediocre. Be something exceptional... Hmmm.... and maybe I need to parent myself a little.:) <br />
<br />
Sorry kids. We're not the Joneses. Mama feels like I have found my parenting philosophy- the one that I've been so afraid to admit lies within me for so long... So if you think you're going to get out of studying those spelling words, you're wrong. And if you think you are going to skip out on your math extra credit sheet, think again. And Chris and Addie as you are all snug as a bug and having sweet dreams, your Mommy will admit, I've checked the heat sheet for tomorrow morning, and my competitiveness has come out. I know who my Topher needs to beat, and I will be his #1 fan cheering him on. Don't worry, I haven't gone all psycho- I know I don't have the next Michael Phelps on my hands and I know that in a few years swimming probably won't even be his thing. I still couldn't tell ya if he DQ's on his breast stroke because I don't even know what's legal or not... but I do know that for now he loves it. And I do know that I'll be there encouraging him every step of the way whether he's first or last. Because that's what we do. We'll drive to the swim meet blasting Big Time Rush to get pumped up. We'll dance silly and the kids will still be just that- kids. We'll support each other, cheer, and above all else, we'll love one another. Afterall, we're McCullers. :)hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-13511415749283060212012-06-12T07:00:00.001-07:002012-06-12T07:02:57.061-07:00Forever LoveWhen your phone unexpectedly rings at seven in the morning, it's usually never a good thing.<br />
<br />
"Shelley, Can you come drive me?"<br />
<br />
"Yeah, but what's wrong Mom?"<br />
<br />
"Sunrise called and Pappy fell. He's unresponsive and they can't get him to wake up."<br />
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And with those words, my life was forever changed.<br />
<br />
I've wanted to sit down and blog every night, but I just haven't had it in me. Pappy was such a big part of my life, and I'm still not even okay with Nanny being gone. Couple that with the fact that my Dad had a heart attack hours after Pappy's funeral, and life has been a little out of control lately.<br />
<br />
Words can't express the emotions I've felt... so I won't bother. But through it all, I'm realizng that I'm stronger than I ever thought possible. Life is short and we need to cherish every moment. And when I cross the finish line in less than two weeks for my first ever triathlon, it won't just be for Nanny... it will be for Nanny and Pappy- just as it should be. They will be side by side- together with the best seats in the house shining down on me.<br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
<br />hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-39005436932746008972012-05-09T17:01:00.000-07:002012-05-09T17:05:09.123-07:00Gentle RemindersSaturday we had a great night... an adult night full of fun- but I sooooo see why many athletes don't drink. Just like Proverbs 20 says:<br />
<br />
<em>" Drinking too much makes you loud and foolish. It's stupid to get drunk."</em> <br />
<br />
While it may be fun in the moment, it sucks the next day- especially when you have to make the Facebook walk of shame from drunk status updates. Ha!<br />
<br />
And often, it will cause you to miss training- two days in my case. Boo! <br />
<br />
But not to worry, on Tuesday I got back on track and even rode the bike trail from Leesburg to Ashburn and back by myself. I was super proud- but also completely freaked the entire trip. Next time, I will bring mace. Ya see, every single person I rode by spooked me. I thought for sure they were all serial killers and out to butcher me and throw me in a creek. <em>Or something like that.</em><br />
<br />
Luckily, I found my usual comfort in my tri training- and I'm convinced I have someone looking out for me. Not once, but twice, I passed a bright red cardinal. Nanny was always big on old wive's tales- and she would always say if you see a cardinal that it's going to snow. I saw the first one and immediately cringed at the thought of snow... but when I saw the second one, I realized maybe it was someone just stopping by to say, "<em>Hey- I see ya. Enjoy the ride. You are safe</em>." <br />
<br />
Tomorrow I'm going to shoot for a 12 mile bike followed by a 3 mile run. Wish me luck. <br />
<br />
Oh, and I must be doing something right. We all know I have confidence issues- and tonight Sweet Addie Tay prayed, "Dear Jesus... "<em>I love my family</em>.... followed by a whole bunch of other stuff- that girl is never at a loss for words.... and then closed with, <em> I love myself so much because I'm made special and everyone is made special. Amen.</em>" <br />
<br />
Yep. We are all special... drunk nights, extra pounds, and all. We are special.:)hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-13444575247469903282012-05-07T17:30:00.002-07:002012-05-07T17:30:36.916-07:00It's all worth it...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Every pound,</div>
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every stretch mark,</div>
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every wrinkle, </div>
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every grey hair,</div>
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every change is all worth it...</div>
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My kids are my everything.</div>
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And to translate my first grader's picture... Here mommy... I made a picture of you in a bikini- It says, "Mom 20 years in the future,".... Ha... followed by, "Love you- whatever happens." My little Topher told me he'll love me even if I never lose weight or wear a bikini.</div>
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Tear. And Christopher and Addison, Mommy promises to love you no matter what- whatever happens. Our love is always unconditional. Bigger than the galaxy.</div>
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XOXO</div>
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<br /></div>hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-898426942615034851.post-81760322610060781882012-05-03T06:04:00.000-07:002012-05-03T06:41:49.131-07:0052 days52 days until tri time... <br />
<br />
171.4 this morning... Goal 160 by tri<br />
<br />
I woke up feeling gloomy today. No real reason why- I'm pretty happy in life right now... It's my time of year, my kind of weather, the hubz and I are in a loving place, my kids amaze me, life is good. But- I just miss my grandma some kind of bad. <br />
<br />
After an hour of playing on pinterest and moping in my bed... and yes even smelling my Nanny's curlers because my aunt saved them for me- and they have her hair and her smell on them- it donned on me... If I sit around feeling sad thinking sad thoughts, today I will be sad.<br />
<br />
And if I walk downstairs thinking I'm fat and grab doritos and a coke for breakfast, I'll continue to feel fat the rest of the day- and eat fat. <br />
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But if I restart my day, weigh-in, get goal oriented, tell myself I'm getting skinny and go have an egg white on a triple fiber english muffin... my day is gonna go a lot better.<br />
<br />
So I chose to restart. Oh- and to attempt my first brick workout... 9 mile bike followed by 2 mile run.<br />
<br />
Start me up baby! :)hokie30sgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04045446586568743203noreply@blogger.com0