Thursday, April 15, 2010

Fresh Start

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got."

That anonymous quote is oh so true. If you haven't noticed, the past two and a half weeks, my posts have not been about my progress or about how I've been in the gym. Quite simply, I haven't- so there's not much to say. I took a measly two weeks off and my wedding ring is tight, my fingers are swollen, and my battle scars (blisters from boxing that in all reality are probably from wrapping my hands wrong) that I'm so proud of are healed.

With that being said, I have gained some of my weight back, I feel gross, and I even thought about ending this blog. In fact, today I was even justifying it and planning a post about how "Quitters never win and winners never quit." I was going to say how I really don't think that quote is always true. I was beginning to think that writing this blog has become a job and at times it can even stress me out. Sometimes I even feel like a fake. Here, I write about working out and feeling great, and I've been such a poser the past few weeks. My car has gone through too many drive-throughs to count. This morning I even toted hash browns and a sausage biscuit into ballet! I've missed workout after workout. And above all, I was feeling like I was letting so many people down. I was honestly thinking that maybe it's time for me to step away from the keyboard, take a break, and enjoy the summer like I usually do- by letting my kids stay up way too late and milking every moment of this beautiful weather. If my time is spent laughing and loving life instead of writing, how is that quitting?

That was my plan. To take the summer off. But then I thought about it. I would do what I have done for the past five years and spent every waking moment with my kids (not that that's bad), chomped on food all day, been disgusted with myself at the pool, and continuously packed on the pounds. I would be sitting on the beach in July saying, "Next year will be my skinny year. I'm starting on Monday." I would have wanted a family picture taken on the beach but would have refused to be in it because of how I looked. That is not what I want.

I took a class with Mark today at LA Boxing. There were only two of us in the class and I hope there are never only two of us in his class ever again. He could hear me panting and gasping for air- and even asked a few times if I was alright. Heck yeah, I was alright. I was having my butt handed to me and loving every second of it. I was alive. I was having fun. I was taking an hour out of the day for me, myself, and I. I lived to tell about it, and I hope I have a lot more classes to tell about.

I am a woman that struggles with her weight. It bothers me. But after getting that rush today, I know that I don't want to quit. If I quit now, I would fo' sure be a quitter. I would be the one losing- and it wouldn't be on the scale. Love me or leave me, I'm here to stay. It's a crazy life, but it's my life.


  1. We haven't met but I wanted to at lease send some encouragement to you.

    That's right -- channel that inner fighter in you. You go girl. And for the record there is nothing shameful about being true to yourself. We all take steps back but what makes us stronger are the times when we face those steps and choice to move forward. Thank you for being so honest about where you have been, where you are, and where you want to do. (makes me feel like I'm not the only one feeling this way) Hope you make it out to the gym soon. Standing beside you in the fight

    btw -- LET'S GO HOKIES!

  2. I went to my first boxing class today and WOW! I have never sweat so much. I though all the walking/running I have been doing would have given me some lung power but I was wrong. WAY wrong. At one point I did not think I could finish and I though of you at Fitbloggin. (I still wish I had made myself talk to you). Your pictures were amazing! That was my inspiration when I thought I was going to collapse. Thanks for that spark!

    I am glad you are not quitting. I am glad you made time for yourself.

    Enjoy the extra sunshine!

    much love, jen