In a mood... Pity Party

I woke up at the butt crack of dawn today to run a 5k- a 5k I have actually somewhat been training for.  I got a PR of 27:21 and came in 3rd in my age group...  so many would consider it a success.

I, on the other hand, was pissed at myself.  On my training runs, I've been running faster than that... but I just didn't have in me today.  To make matters worse, I ran with one of my besties and she beat me.  By four seconds.  Four f-ing seconds.  Yep, we were running stride for stride, we got to the last 75 yards, and in my head I heard, "If you push yourself really hard, and she beats you, that's gonna really suck."  So, as she sprinted off into the wild yonder, and took 2nd in our age group- I gave up.  I didn't want to lose, so I just backed off and let her go on to win. Ya know, my whole if ya don't try, ya don't lose mentality.  I threw in the towel and didn't even try.

I was afraid to fail.

And this is coming from the girl that used to have that killer instinct.  I wouldn't think twice about pulling a girls pony tail and completely taking her to the ground to get a soccer ball.  It was do or die. 

After the race, I did the whole shuttle the kids to and fro sports, spent the afternoon at the park, and capped it off with McDonald's.  The hubster is at guy's weekend so I was doing it on my own.  Yes, I do think I should get wife of the year award- this is the third weekend I've been a single parent in a row and I told him to go have fun, live it up, find your inner hick and holler for those cars rounding the track at Richmond Speedway.  But it's all good... twice a year he covers for me while I have girl's weekend so I guess that all but makes up for it.

And now, after a freezing cold, damp, rainy day, I'm in my p.j's, got a redbox and am ready to climb in bed with my chitlin's to call it a night.

Oh, and I'm really a grump right now.  I bought Star Magazine and read how all the stars can follow these crazy diets and drop weight like no other and I just had some raw cookie dough- hoping it would cure my aches and pains.  But no can do.

And it doesn't help that I live in Nova-freaking-VA and every time ya turn around there is a size 0 mom that looks phenom.  She probably lives off half an avocado and I don't even have the willpower to stick to 1,500 calories a day.  I bust my butt training, and ruin it by stuffing my face.  Why can't I just eat better? 

And did I mention the pool opens in a month and I'm feeling like a fat cow right about now?  Well, fact and fact.  And I've been exercising every day eventhough I have pneumonia because I don't want to "fall off the wagon" but I'm never gonna be saddled up if I'm not well.

And I need to clean my house, do laundry, and my nails need to be done pronto... but I got one of my first manicures in ages and decided to go with the Shellac- which is amazing by the way-  and now I either need to cut the nails off and go back to ugly hands or battle my hubby for another $38 plus tip to make my fingas look purrty...

Oh, and the last time I had my hair hi-lighted, it looked great... but too bad it needs hi-lites already because i went blonder and my roots are showing... along with some greys... but it's just gonna have to for a few weeks because I have a wedding on June 30th (Holla Butt, Butt) and I want it to look good for that- and this gal ain't coughing up $177 twice between now and then.  Ugh.

I'd keep writing but it's just gonna go down hill from here...  and guess what-  I've gotten enough off my chest and I feel better.

The sun will come out tomorrow, tomorrow.  It's only a day away.