Chic New Mom Part 2...

Watch out. I'm on a rampage. You have been forewarned...

First, let me preface this by letting you know how proud I am to be a part of I am Modern. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be a real-life writer... and out of no where, they gave me an opportunity and I have been able to run with it. If you've just started reading this blog, I am a very shy person, but when I write, I sometimes don't have a filter. I have talked about how it's my other personality that comes out. And luckily, I Am Modern has just gone with the flow and allowed me to write what I want... without censoring even the foulest of things. They are awesome women... and when a recent article stirred up some controversy in the current issue, "Chic New Mom," the "large and in charge ladies" at the magazine took a stance. They backed the writer up. Eventhough they might not agree with the article and may not have supported the author’s viewpoints, they stood behind her. And for that, I give them mad props. It just goes to show how supportive this organization is.

Never in my right mind would I bash another writer. I am a complete newbie and could easily be torn to shreds. In fact, in the current issue, I have an article on "the best spots in the metro DC area to brunch." Looking back, I might not have been the best person to write this since I hardly ever venture out of Loudoun County... But then again, I am the resident weight loss blogger, and I guess by reading my blog, these women can tell I love me some food.:)

I got to thinking... If I had read an article that upset me so in any other publication, I would write to the editor. I could not begin to give fashion advice to new moms- My daughter is 3, and I'm still rockin' the Old Navy mom duds... but let me correct some things and tell ya what I do know...

Oh- and by the way I Am... I'll kiss your butt any day- but you did drop the ball on the picture that went with this article. My girls and I couldn't tell if that was a "Chic New Mom" or a new mom struggling with her new role with a fresh hangover. Or maybe... just maybe you were just as confused by the article as I was and didn't even know where to go with it. Wink. Wink.;)

Here are some of my basic fashion tips for new moms per the article... and how I feel.:)

• Don’t breast feed in public. I am sorry and feel awful saying it, but, to me, it really is unacceptable. I am glad that I don’t see that very often, but when I do it makes me queasy. There is absolutely nothing beautiful or stylish about breast feeding in public.

Oh... Hell Nah. Don't even go there. If you are starving would you not eat? I think not. I must be an over the top horrible person because not only do I nurse in public, but I do it out in the open. Should I put a blanket over your head when you eat? Just sayin'. I agree that it can be done tastefully and it should be. God gave us an ass so we could shit, but we don't go doing it in public. While I don't believe our breasts should be put out on display (some stripper wanna-be moms give breastfeeding a bad name), I do feel that they are there to feed babies and it doesn't have to be done in a closet.

• Take your baby shopping in small-sized boutiques. The best time is early on a weekday morning. There are usually few customers in the store (around lunch is the busiest time), so you will get as much help as you need.

O.k... Let me get right to that. More than likely, most moms have switched to a single income or are out on leave. Let me just pop on into that boutique bright and early after I've been up all night with a baby that doesn't sleep. Chop Chop.

• No need to spend too much money on one item (other than shoes). The reason is obvious: You will lose weight soon, and these larger than your normal sizes are only temporary. Right?

Wrong. Wishful thinking. Why not recommend a lose yoga outfit or jeans with spanx in them. We've just had babies and our bodies might never be the same... But it's all good... and worth it!

• Wear solid, subtle colors or small prints instead of bright colors or big floral prints, which only make you look bigger than you are.

O.k... Do you really have to remind us yet again that we are big?

• Cotton and jersey is better than silk or polyester. They are soft, breath well and are machine washable. Beautiful as they are, babies can be messy.

Oh yes... They are soft and comfy, but they also cling to show every new roll, stretched out belly button, and excess skin that we have now acquired. Give me an empire waist, flowy silk, or heaven forbid polyester shirt to hide my new figure! I might be a walking fashion faux pas, but I'd even sport a mu-mu and pull off a cuter look than a body-hugging clingy outfit.

• Put anything white aside for a while, for practical reasons. Stains on white materials stand out like beacons.

We all know black is slimming... but white isn't so bad. Breast milk and Desitin blend in quite nicely on a white shirt.

• Avoid low V-neck tops, especially when you are nursing.

Or go for it. With milk in my jugs and my newly found larger chest size, I might as well flaunt them before they turn into deflated balloons. I'll treasure low cut v-necks while I can. Plus, it sometimes makes it easier to whip out my boob to disgust people like you.

• No mom-jeans! Mom-jeans are unflattering, poorly fitted jeans having a high waist a few inches above the belly button. Low-rise jeans might be uncomfortable for you now, so it is okay to wear high-waist jeans. No matter where the waist falls on you though, the jeans have to be flattering, fitted, and nicely washed or treated. Boot cut and straight legs are good choices.

Yes, because with a c-section scar to worry about I'm really worrying about the jean I choose. And with all the extra time on my hands, please let me wash, treat, starch, and iron my jeans.

• Diaper bags don’t lie. You think nobody notices your diaper bag? Wrong. You may dress stylishly, but if your diaper bag is encrusted with dirt and stains, all your effort to look good is for naught. You want to find a couple of light weight, fun print, large-sized, machine washable totes and rotate them to match your outfits. I am talking about those real tote bags with shapes. Not the ones you can fold up to save five cents when you buy groceries.

I'm doing good just to get out the door. There is no way in hell I'm going to switch my diaper bag over to match my outfits. It houses everything and the kitchen sink. While I agree that a diaper bag doesn't have to shout Winnie the Pooh... one cute diaper bag will do the trick. Although points to you for mentioning this... I was surprised you knew anything about mothering at all.

I applaud you for writing about the importance of self-esteem in new moms. And for giving us credit for being exhausted. I, for one, lack both sleep and self-confidence. And in reality, you have pointed out that it's about time for me to get my act together and take more pride in my appearance. And maybe if I take your article with a grain of salt it can help me in my personal life, and just maybe that's what I Am Modern was thinking... But on any given day of the week, I am proud to yell out "I am a mom"... and I will proudly sport my mini-van, top-knot hair, stretch marks, and everything in between because I am a mom. And that’s what I do.:)