Down But Not Out...

Blah. There's no other way to describe my eating and working out this week than just plain old BLAH... Well, maybe I could use horrible, in a rut, disgusting... You get my drift.

To tell you the truth, before I left for the half marathon, I had it planned out in my head. I was going to return from Disney, blog about my race, and pen that just like I had done in the race, this blog had run its course and was done. The end.

But for some reason, I can't let go.

One year ago, I had lost over twenty pounds, was feeling great, and was even a guest speaker at a national conference. I returned from the conference energized and being the person that I am... I had big dreams. I had learned that there are actually bloggers that make six figures from doing exactly what I do here. The conference even gave us tips on how to start out on our journey. After hearing that no one pays attention to blogspot blogs (which I have), the hubz and I even bought www.theknockoutmama.com and www.knockoutmama.com. I learned how you need to "network", follow and comment on other blogs, and become proactive in this "blogging field." And guess what, I did none of the above.

For those of you that know me, I'm crazy. I'll admit it- I'm always "searching." I want a new house, new boobs, new everything. I guess I crave change. That will probably never change- because, well, that's just me...

I'm always on a mission. I want to be a singer, but I can't sing. I want to be a dancer, but I can't dance. I remember when I first got married, I called my mom and told her I needed to use her benefits (she worked for United Airlines) because I wanted to go on an interview to be a flight attendant. She was excited, but then reminded me that I have a fear of flying. I want to be a weight loss blogger, but I can't lose weight... But one thing I've learned while writing this blog is that in my every day life- when I'm not full of crazy, flaky ideas- I'm fine just being me.

I love being a mom. I always wanted to be just like my mom and stay-at-home and take care of the kids- that was my life's ambition.:) I actually like my kids driving me crazy, finding the joy in getting a chance to shower, and the worst part of my day being complaining about how my husband doesn't find the "need" in paying for Pump It Up this week. If that's the worst it can be, I think I have it made.

Sometimes I think society makes one question our own decisions. Doors were opening and I had so many writing opportunities, was invited to functions, etc... and I was turning them down. And after soul searching, I've just come to the realization that I'm never going to be Carrie Bradshaw, nor do I want to be. I just don't picture me handing "knockout mama" cards to strangers and self promoting myself.... ever. I'm a country girl at heart, and I'm quite fine with my little ole blog.:)

Long story short... I had become a little "stressed out" with blogging. I felt like I needed to blog often to keep up my readership, felt like I was failing because I hadn't worked to "grow" my blog, felt it was taking time away from my family, and it just wasn't fun anymore. And when I took time off from writing... I missed it.

I sometimes feel like Doogie Howser at my computer. And at times this blog keeps me sane. I've made good, close friends from writing this blog- women I completely admire and look up to. And on weeks like this, I've had girlfriends checking in on me pestering me- I mean motivating me to get to the gym. And don't get me wrong, I do get random perks... This week I was offered free spring break camp for my children at Kinder Care if I blog about it. Hmmmmmm... tempting.

From now on, I'm not looking at this blog as turning it into a business. I'm not stressing if I don't post often, and it's just going to be my little diary- I guess that means not much is changing. Be prepared to read all about my juicy life... like how I pee my pants, when I need to get some from my hubby, and how I've gained yet another pound. And if you stick around- I love ya- and please know that YOU are the reasons that I write.

*Conscience cleared. Now it's time to get back on track and starve for swimsuit season... Joke people. You know I could never starve. :)

Thanks gang.
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to my right,
Here I am stuck in the middle with you