I went swimsuit shopping today. I know you are probably thinking, "Oh goodness,here comes another down and out post." But actually that couldn't be farther from the truth. Then again- anything is an improvement over the swimsuits I sported this weekend. My hubby even hinted that it was time to go shopping because I might as well have been perched on the dock naked since just about everyone could see my nips and camel toe. Oh well, shit happens.
I headed to the mall expecting to cry in the dressing room. Instead, angels sang and I found not one, but two swimsuits that I feel comfortable in. Never in my right mind did I foresee me shopping in Sears of all places and granted, I'm not sporting a 'kini like I dream of. I'm in suits that are great for a mom- Ya know- a little skirt in case I didn't get a chance to shave down under... I mean so that I can chase the chitlin's around and all... But, I found what I think are cute suits that don't scream, "I'm a mom and completely let myself go."
And today, I realized it all comes down to attitude. I got a shower and went to the mar feeling good about myself. And when I tried on my suits, I held my shoulders back, sucked the tummy in, and didn't sulk at my muffin top or the sight of my lower ledge hanging over my pubes.
Have you ever been on your way to feeling good- maybe three drinks in, and you and your girlfriends decide to do that one last primp before heading out the door to the bar? Ya know, it might be that fine moment about ten minutes before you're drunk and your cheeks start drooping- when you feel like you are beautiful- like ya got it going on. You might even pucker up and give a sexual look to the mirror... and roar. Or maybe not. But anyways, you feel like you are ready to take on the world, run into anyone, and feel young again... at least for the fleeting second while you are clearly buzzing.
Picture this- I was standing in the tiny dressing room being royally grossed out by the panty hygiene liners- Ugh- You know others have tried on that very same swimsuit without undies- and I can't say that I leave mine on- Double Ugh... and after getting over the grossness, I struck a pose. And eventhough I'm a lardass at the moment, I gave that look. The look of confidence... and dare I say it- the look of, "I love myself." For a girl that struggles with confidence and body issues, this was huge.
I can't tell you how good it felt to be so over negative thoughts of when did I get all that cellulite or "is that really my backside in that mirror- it can't be." Lately I've realized- Life is too short. It's summertime for pete's sake! My days are about to be spent by the pool. So, I'm heavy and not in shape like I want to be... but it's time to stop living for the moments, and live in the moment. I'm no longer freaking out about having to lose weight for this or for that... but I'm going to do it for myself. I'm a work in progress and I can feel that change is on the horizon... maybe even enough change that I can have that look all on my own... because it feels great- and even better the next morning without the help of cocktails.:) Roar.:)