Wednesday, June 15, 2011

And it feels so good...

Miranda Lambert. I love her. The list of reasons could be a blog in itself... Let's see- I loved her first single ever "Me and Charlie Talking," I remember her going buck-wild on an awards show to the song Kerosene and thinking "that girl just doesn't care!", she goes up and down on the scale and talks about her weight issues with a since of pride and "who gives a rat's ass", she hunts, she's gorgeous... and she's married to Blake Shelton for Pete's sake!!!

I especially love her song "The House That Built Me." My folks have lived in the same house for almost thirty years and I know that their time is nearing an end. When they first built it- people thought we were nuts. We couldn't even have our mailed delivered to us because it was so far out in the sticks and my bus had to stop for cow crossings. We even had a cow! And now the trees across the street have been cleared and they are woken up every day by the sound of construction to new homes on lots the size of a postage stamp. The day they sell and drive away from that house- I might just have a mental breakdown... but for now, I'll cherish it and let my kids run in the fields like I did as a child...

Today I made the great return to another house. Yes, I blogged about how I was going to start group training at my gym... but a part of me has been gone- for over a year now. And I miss it so much that I crave it. After way too long of a hiatus, I held my chin up, gritted my teeth, and walked through the doors of LA BOXING to join. And I already feel amazing.

I've wanted to do this for so long- But after all they did for me, I felt like I had let them down. I skipped a week last summer for vacation. A week turned into a month, a month turned into six, and a year later- I've gained every single pound that I worked to hard to lose back. And it sucks.

I signed my waiver, gloved up, and went to Naser's class. As usual, he was so positive and nice... and said, "It's just like riding a bike." He was right... everything came right back- and despite feeling like I might have a heart attack, causing the class to do round after round of push-ups because I let my guard down, and pissing my pants- I finished. And I was back...

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
This brokenness inside me might start healing
Out here it’s like I’m someone else
I thought that maybe I could find myself

If I could just come in I swear I’ll leave
Won’t take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

Lambert's song kept running through my head the entire class. I looked around at the walls that I had spent hours upon hours in literally sweating off my fat and making a change in. I remembered how far I came last year and how those very walls helped me find confidence and the Shelley that I had lost while tackling motherhood and letting it become me. I smelled the sweat pouring off of me and this country girl jammed to Soulja Boy and Applebottom Jeans with the best of them. And it happened all over again- I felt alive... and for the rest of the day, I was a better mommy for it.

You might think that I was down staring at my flab bouncing in the mirror- Let me tell ya- jumping rope heel/toe does nothing for the rolls. But that is so far from how I felt. I smiled and enjoyed myself- because I know that I'm on my way again to a healthier me- and that in a few months none of my extra baggage will be on my booty. And more than anything, I learned... it won't take nothing but a memory and that you can go home again.:)

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