The other day when someone asked me
"Are you living your dream?"
I didn't know what to say,
I honestly had to think.
I try to be so many places at the same time
Every day a million things cluttering up my mind.
Another feather falling off my wings
I climb so high it gets hard to breathe
Forget to remember, what I really need.
I listen to this song by Colbie Caillet nearly every morning driving home from dropping my daughter off at preschool. And each morning, (after a 15 minute car ride home- ha!) I honestly end up with the same resounding answer... Yes. I'm living my dream.
Well, I take that back. In my dream world, I'd be 35 pounds lighter, would have had a shower, would be riding in a clean car instead of my messy DVD and sippy cup filled minivan, and I wouldn't have just gotten mean on the cell phone and referred to my hubby as a tyrant when we were discussing the end of our Christmas budget (Love ya baby).
And if you really want to get down to it, in my dream life life, I'd be living in an old farm house- Think Reese Witherspoon in The Man In The Moon. I'd have a squeaky front door that slams in the fresh, cool breeze and I'd be a breeder- Not as in farm animals, but as in kids. I'd have lots and lots of ragamuffin kids running around... and speaking of animals, I might even have a rooster and some chickens. I wouldn't want for anything and I'd be happy and in love in a shack like Goldie Hawn in Overboard. I'd look forward to a monthly Friday night barn dance where I danced with my hubby under white Christmas Tree lights like Sandra Bullock in Hope Floats. We'd begin our mornings with scripture. Oh, and in my free time, I'd volunteer... like Angelina in a far away country. I'd be doing mission work with kids, wouldn't wear an ounce of make-up, and I'd sport my hair in hippie braids. I'd make all of our food from earthy ingredients... think Paleo crossed with the Pioneer Woman and I'd use my extra canning jars to catch lightning bugs. I'd be cruising around in a beat up rickety truck and I'd let the tailgate down and a gaggle of kids would come pouring out to fly their June bugs from a string.
Not that I dream about this or have it planned out or anything... So yes, that's my dream... but the truth is, eventhough that's what I would dream my life to be, I've come to realize that it just might not be me afterall. I think I would go nuts if my farmhouse wasn't renovated, I am so not an animal person, and we all know that I love me some gooped on make-up. I am a fan of Mickey D's and eventhough I dream of riding in a rickety truck, it might be more like I'm on a search for a beat-up Chevy in a field so we can sit on the tailgate for an artistic family portrait. Although I haven't ruled out the mission work once my kids leave my nest...
The truth is, I honestly believe that I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I love my life. But as the song says, "Sometimes I forget to remember, what I really need."
From here on out, my goal is to care. To care less. With Christmas quickly approaching, this holiday season, I'm going to remember how simple my country fantasy is. I'm tossing out the obsession of having perfectly wrapped presents that coordinate with my living room. I'm going to take the time to talk about advent with my children, to read scripture as a family, and to remember what the season is really about. We're going to buy from an angel tree and my kids are going to help pick out something for someone in need. And I'm not going to stress about having perfect brother/sister outfits... I mean really- I'm not buying black dress shoes for my son to just wear one time with his outfit. I'll live if he's in tennis shoes.
So while I live in the hustle and bustle of Northern Virginia, the only thing I would change about my dream life, life would be to one day feel completely content with myself. To not feel like I have to be Reese, Sandra, Goldie, or Angelina. I don't want to feel like I have to be better, skinnier, holier, or anything -er. I never want to have to think about the question- Are you living your dream? Because it's me that determines the answer. And right now, I'm feeling pretty darn good... extra pounds and all.
The title of Colbie's song is "What Means the Most", and when it comes down to it, I'm surrounded by what means the most to me every day. My family.:)
Thankful. Grateful. Blessed.
Gym date at 4.:)