What Means the Most

I never win anything. But today in a raffle at my brother's work, I won a Coach purse. Not just any Coach purse- a real leather not even from the factory store purse, matching wallet, a Coach bangle bracelet, and a scarf. Normally, I would've snapped a picture and statused that right up on Facebook- but not today.

Today, I went to the hospital to sit by one of the most important people in my life- my grandma- or "Nanny" as I've called her for the last 33 years of my life. Nanny took a hard fall and broke her arm, shattered her hip, and has since developed pneumonia and is in the ICU as I type. We are hoping for the best but praying- because I can't even imagine life without our matriarch around.

Nanny is everything to me. She's all of 4'11" and probably only stands 4'8" due to osteoporosis, but she rules our world. She always has. If you weren't at Nanny's house on Sunday for dinner, you were on her shit list- and she'd let ya know it.

It's crazy. She's the person I admire most, yet, we are so very different. She's short, and I'm tall. She weighs under 100 pounds and we have to force food down her throat- and well, I'm blogging on a weight loss blog. She's always been content with nothing, and I struggle with this every day of my life. She caters to her husband's every need- never has once gone to bed without him, has served him food at every meal every single day of his life, and lives to make him happy. And let's just say she points out that I might need to improve in this department- and makes me take a piece of cake home to my hubby every time I leave her house.:)

Nanny was born on the land where Broad Run High School stands today. She's a true Farmer's daughter- and was married on that land late one evening before my grandfather returned to war- the very same land that my mother went to high school on, and where I graduated. My grandparents lived to serve. In fact, while at the hospital, the Sterling Ruritan Club had already sent flowers. My grandfather worked hard to build one of the most respected home remodeling companies in the D.C. area- that did renovations for presidents, newscasters, and even good 'ole Ollie North. And yet, my grandmother could have cared less. Every morning she would pack his lunch before sending him off to work, and Pappy knew he had to return at night with his paper bag and plastic utensils for Nanny to reuse the next morning. I've been at my grandparent's house when a Senator stopped in to visit his dear friends, and my grandma didn't miss a beat. He left, and I was amazed at who had just dropped by and my Nanny said, "What? His ass stinks just the same as mine does." That's just how my grandma is- feisty and stubborn, gentle and loving, compassionate and giving- and I wish I posessed so many of these traits.

While I could write forever about Nanny, I'm not. Emotional doesn't even begin to describe it right now. Have you ever been in a situation where you supress your feelings because you know if you let them out, it's not gonna be good? Think tidal wave.

So for the moment, I will trust in God. I will pray. And I will hope that my family stays strong.

And what I'll always remember about today was that I had the most amazing conversation while bedside with my Nanny. I asked questions like how she made her sugar cookies. I knew she was tired and in pain, but while she was talking, as Tyra Banks says- she was smiling with her eyes, so I knew it was all right. She told me how she got that sugar glaze on her sugar cookies- by dipping them in cream and patting them down in sugar. She told me how she used "to make 300 cookies"- And that's when I told her we used to sneak them. She then smiled and said, "You weren't sneaking- I knew it." And she probably did.

What I'll remember about today is when I told Nanny that we all loved her so much, and she said, "I know it- that's the hardest part." And during that single moment, everything felt o.k.. My family loves. We love hard and the most important part of it all is that we all know it. There will never be any regrets about my grandma knowing that we loved her. Nanny has taught us all how to live and most importantly how to love.

And today is the day that above anything else- I'll pride myself on one of my biggest accomplishments. I've realized that I'm more like Elizabeth Sue Smith than I ever knew. There is no question in my life about what really means the most. And today, that Coach purse didn't mean a thing.