Sunday, May 23, 2010

Put a sock in it

Boobs. I love boobs. No, I'm not coming out of the closet or anything- I'm just saying I guess the saying is true. You always want what you don't have. Not Me Mondays is a common post in the blog world. I'm just doing my own version this morning... laying it all out there and blabbing the truth. I love writing because I can say things I would NEVER say to strangers in public... I can get everything off my chest (get it?, chest) and just hope that I never have to run into any of my readers.:)

It's an age old tale that girls stuff their bra with tissues. I can tell you that it's true... only I used socks. I think I've done everything under the sun to get boobs. I've done normal every day things like taking the herbal supplement Gro-Bust. I've also gone to extremes. I once ordered a bra made by a lady in Columbia... as in the country Columbia. She claimed that her bra would induce nerves to make your chest grow. I paid my money... and then got a call from customs asking me what was in the package. Ha! Needless to say, nothing has worked.

I'm not quite sure why I have such a complex. Maybe it's because my best friend, Ashley, has the largest rack on the east side of the Mississippi. They're all natural and she once named them Bill and Ted... for Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. Don't fret- they have since matured. My girl went off and married a doctor and the boobs had to grow up a little... Now they are Boo and Bea and together they make one fine Boobea.

I've had a few tricks up my sleeve over the years- Ya know, like wearing two bras at once... and for my high school reunion I borrowed my cousin's chicken cutlets. They worked GREAT... and since then, I've bought my own pair. I got to thinking- there are some things in life you just shouldn't share.

When I became pregnant, I finally got boobs. They were huge... but then I turned into a milk wagon for over two years. My daughter never took one bottle and I never pumped- Did I mention I'm into attachment parenting?:) After two rounds of nursing, my knockers show the effects of being knocked up. They were always little, but at least they were perky. Now, they sag so bad it's embarrasing. They make me sad, and working out has done nothing to revive them.

I had to share my pride and joy- a picture taken by Eddie Solomon of Solomon Photography. I share it because there's not one thing sexual about this picture and every time I look at it, it makes me realize that every single change to my body has been worth it. I mean, can't you see the connection? Oh- and you would also be able to see the huge zebra like stretch marks on my boobs, but he did me a favor and edited those babies out. And I don't care what people say- stretch marks do disappear. Mine were nasty, and I won't let ya take a look, but I promise you they not only faded, they vanished.

My question for the day is- do any of you swear by a bra? Do you know of any exercises that help sagging tittys? Do you have any tricks at all that will help restore some vitality to my favorite pasttime? And if nothing else- do you have the name of a good plastic surgeon? Oh yeah... and I didn't just say all of this... Not me, Monday.:)

1 comment:

  1. That is the most beautiful picture ever!!! I need to take one of those soon :)