Friday, June 11, 2010

Dare I Say It?

I love to write. Most of the time I write rambled, babbling thoughts that should probably remain just that- thoughts. I usually write and click "post" before it's too late to give a darn. And to tell you the truth, it's been refreshing.

I'm that girl that cares too much. I care way too much about what other's think of me- and I happen to hate that quality about myself. I'm that girl that in real life is too shy to ever voice an opinion- and later I regret being nice when I really wanted to chew someone out or stick up for my children. I always have great comebacks after the fact and wish I had been able to go apeshit in the moment. I'm that girl that knows who my close friends are and cherish them with all of my heart... and am too quiet and timid around new people. I wish I could just break it down with one of my booty-shakin, off-rhythm dances and let them see the real me- but I don't.

On this blog, I don't care. It's kind of like my alter-ego, my way to vent, and my make believe rapper persona. And it's fun. I'm learning so much about myself- and so many doors are opening from this blog- so I really can't thank you enough if you read it. This week, I Am Modern asked me to write for their magazine... as in actually go on an assignment and dare I say it???- Be a real life writer!

Little do they know that they are allowing a girl that failed English 102 in college write for their magazine. If it makes them feel better, it was really because I had tested out of English 101 due to my high school classwork. I was completely weirded out by my college English teacher and since I was at Virginia Tech- a large school where many say you are just a number, I thought I could outsmart the teacher and just turn in my assignments all semester and skip class (No, Mom, it really wasn't because it was an 8:00 and I was hungover...). Too bad I not only failed the class with flying colors, but I then had to go back and take English 101 and retake 102. Oops...

I guess they may have caught on by reading my horrible grammar and sentences that start with and all the time. And ya know what, they took a chance on me.:)

I set out this week to interview a guy for the upcoming issue of I Am Modern and you would have thought I had landed a leading role in a major movie or something. My parents were my biggest fans and made me pose on the front porch for a picture like it was the first day of school all over again. I thought my mama was going to make me continue the tradition and wear plaid. After staying at home for over five years, I spent the whole day trying to pull together a professional outfit and worried about my appearance... because believe it or not, in real life, that's what I do- worry. I stole one of my dad's leather binders since he does work for The Washington Post... I bet you think I have connections in the writing world... but really, he might just be your delivery man:), and I tried my best to play the part. I drove around the tavern we were meeting at trying to calm myself down as my southern best friend blurted out reminders... as in always work from the outside in with your silverware. She beefed up my ego by reminding me that I was the editorial editor of my high school newspaper… over ten years ago. Ha! I finally got the courage to walk in and interview the nicest man ever.

I came home to pen my first article. Yeah, so, truth be told, today I had to do a total rewrite because my article sucked, but that's o.k.. It's a learning experience, right? The kids and I walked over to Redbox and I let them pick a movie so I could have an hour to work on take two. Thanks so much to my mentor, Ms. Cavalheri,- You are a lifesaver.:) But at the end of the day, I might just get a by-line.:)

It was kind of like the story of my life- I spent so much time building up to something, worrying about it, and wanting to do a good job. And then when I just decided to be myself, I was able to meet an extraordinary person and enjoy my time with him. Maybe that's why I'm being offered this gig- because these people at I Am Modern see this blog and just see me- being me. Maybe one day, I'll realize that it's o.k. to do the same.:)

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