Signs

Once again, this blog fell complacent and I'm not sticking to my promises.  I'm not posting before and after pictures like I promised... but then again, did those of you that read this really think that I'd follow through with that one?:)

When my grandmother passed away last December, my world was rocked.  I can't tell you how much I miss her and how much I wish I could just stop in her house.  My Nanny never cared how I looked, how much I weighed, or if I had let myself go.  She just loved me for me.  I still  talk to her every day- but my biggest fear is having a day pass where I don't talk to her- where I can't still feel the touch of her hand or her smell that is still so present.  In fact, it even crossed my mind to start a blog- Letters to Nanny- and write every day for a year... but then I worried that a day would come where I didn't write and it would just make me realize how she really isn't here to make more memories.

The week Nanny passed, I had the most shallow thoughts in the world.  I thought to myself..., "Nanny, why do you have to go?  I'm at my all-time heaviest right now and I'm going to have to see our entire family, friends, and people we haven't seen forever at the funeral."  I felt horrible for having those thoughts, but I can't deny them.  I even prayed to Nanny to help me with my struggles, to always watch over me, and to help me be the woman she was- that never worried about outside appearances.

Let me just say that I never win anything... I take that back- I did once win $100 at Jimmy's Crab Shack at the Outer Banks and I did just win a coach purse in a raffle at my brother's work- and yes it was amazing.  But these things didn't come close to the feeling I had the day after Nanny passed away when I won something that held a $3 value.  I hardly ever comment on other people's blogs, but two weeks earlier, I had commented that I wanted to do a triathlon.  A tri has always been on my bucket list.  The morning after Nanny passed I checked my e-mail and I had a message saying "you have won the FIRST-TIME TRI app for  your phone from my blog comment.

This was a sign.  I'm sure of it.

So here I am... headed out for my first workout before my first ever triathlon- June 26, 2012 in Broadlands.  It's a sprint tri- so it's only a 400 yard swim, 12 mile bike, and a 5k... but I am so excited to finish it... My goal is to finish- and finish strong.:)  While it may not sound hard to some- let me put this in perspective... I can't swim more than a lap and I don't own a bike.  This should be very interesting.:)

I will do this.  And while I may not be posting before and after pictures- that seems pretty stupid now that I think about it- I will be posting pictures from this day that I look forward to so much- and I will have the biggest smile on my face.  The smile will be genuine- it will be a smile not because of how I look, but because of my sense of accomplishment.  It will be a smile because during this triathlon training I will have a set time to talk to Nanny- to reflect, to reminisce, to remember, and most of all to look to the future because I know in my heart of hearts that she is here with me.  Always.:)