Yesterday I went through the McDonald's drive thru... and I was so proud of myself because I didn't order fries. Not to worry, I ordered a large Diet Coke, cheeseburger, and three sugar cookies, and they were engulfed before I was 5 minutes down the road. I know I've had fast food at least 6 out of the 7 past days and on Saturday I hit up McD's for breakfast and Wendy's for lunch like it was nothing. And to make matters worse, this week a new Bakery opened up in my town and I visited it not once, not twice... not even three times... but four in opening week. I'd love to say it's because I'm supporting local business... but let's just say this is just what I do. I eat. It's nothing for me to down a meal, finish it off with 5 pieces of Halloween candy... or to start off making a cake only to eat so much of the batter I only have enough for 12 cupcakes. I was off to a good start and wanted to make butternut squash this week... and instead of roasting it, I wanted to caramelize it... and when I didn't have brown sugar a friend told me to mix sugar and molasses together. I was so impressed with myself that I added some to half a block of cream cheese and polished it off in a hot second- without even thinking twice. And yes, I do know this is a problem. I'm an emotional binge eater.
I'm at my all time heaviest weight. I don't even want to say the number. Physically, I'm tired all the time, feel gross, my rolls bother me- but yet I'm still able to run a 5k in less than 28 minutes and workout with the best of them. And I wonder why they say it's up to 90% eating.
Somehow life has gotten in the way. Imagine that. I will say that mentally I'm in a good place. While I hate my body, having a third baby has brought sooooo much joy to my life. My family is thriving and I'm loving it. Now, I just need to learn how to balance taking care of myself in with shuttling the kids to practices, cuddling with my 8 month old, and making sure the kids read every night.:)
So many articles I read say that you have to be in a place where you want to make change for yourself. While I believe this is true, and I know that I'm getting there, sometimes I feel like you need a push. You need someone that you don't want to let down. When I worked out at LA Boxing, the manager was my trainer... and so many times- I didn't take that second helping of food or drink my regular 2 liter of soda a day because I didn't want to let him down.
I have a friend that I look up to and she has had amazing results working out with Liza Hughes... and so I'm jumping on the bandwagon and joining her 21 day little black dress challenge... Between Thanksgiving and Christmas I'm going to stick to eating plans, workout, and find myself again. Or so I hope. I've got to stop turning to food and using it as my vice.
Here's hoping that new habits form, I can say Merry Christmas to myself with the best gift of all- taking care of myself, and I start a new journey toward health. Why wait until January!?!
Oh yes, and what challenge doesn't start with those awful before pictures... Here I go- off to beg the Hubster to take them for the millionth time.:)
P.S... I rejoined LA Boxing and have started back... I'm a paying member now- because I believe it's worth every penny and then some- let me know if you want to join me for a class!:)